Opvoedkundige Sielkundige in die Pretoria, Centurion, Midstream area
Dr. Marisa van Niekerk, 
Opvoedkundige Sielkundige
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Separation anxiety

7/21/2012

 
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With the new school year that will start in September in Hong Kong, I had quite a view questions from parents on how to deal with separation anxiety (in this instance I'm  referring to the situation where the child is afraid to get separated from the parent and / or guardian - as there is also separation anxiety where the parent experiences anxiety when he / she has to be separated from the child).  The most frequent example of so called separation anxiety is a child who doesn't want you to leave after you dropped him at school.

Where should a parent start to identify the anxiety-trigger?
There could be many reasons why your child gets anxious when he has to be separated from you. 
- The first possibility is that it can just be a phase or a stage that your child is going through.
- If the seperation anxiety is getting worse, take a look at the following:
* Does your child have a new teacher / caretaker at school?
* Did your child experience a negative situation at school, for example trouble at school / a fight with a teacher or a friend, etc.
* Any changes in your routine at home?
* Have dad, mum or your child's teacher experienced a stressful situation?
* Could your child "pick up" any frightening remarks in a conversation between adults?
* Did your child see any frightening incident in a movie or dvd?
* Could your child notice a conflict between you as parents and / or partners?
* Did you, as adults, experience any exceptional stressful situation at work / in your personal life?

Above mentioned examples could cause feelings of insecurity in your child which can lead to separation anxiety.


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Practical ideas on how to support your child in dealing with separation anxiety:
- Always tell your child when you are planning to go out.  To leave without first notifying your child, could harm the trust that your child has in you.
- Tell your child when you will be back.
- Show him your arrival time on a watch (even if he can't read the time yet).
- Ensure your child that you will pick him up, for example at school, at an after school activity, at a friend's house and do make sure that you will always stick to your word.
- If you will be late, due to unplanned circumstances,call the person who takes care of your child and ask him to inform your child that you will be late.  Make sure that it won't happen on a regular base. 
- Small children can't tell us how they feel.  Therefore your child needs play and story telling.  Make your own story about the circumstances that triggers seperation anxiety in your child.  For example if your child throws a tantrum, or cries a lot when you drop him at school, tell him a bedtime story about a teddy bear who always cried a lot when his mom dropped him at school.  His mom always told him at what time she would pick him up and she always kept her promise.  End the story in a positive way, for example: The teddy bear knew his mother will always stick to her promises, so the teddy bear didn't cry anymore in the morning.  He gave his mom a big hug and kiss as she went off to work and he went off to school.  His teacher smiles when she sees him, as at school she will take good care of him, until his mom will be back to pick him up again.
Make your own good bye and hello song (a song with a happy tune and end) and sing it before your child goes to school every morning.
- Stick to your routine as it gives a child a sense of security and he will know what to expect.
- Talk to your child's teacher, in order to share information about the seperation anxiety and ask him / her for some help.

If the seperation anxiety doesn't get better and / or get worse after about two weeks, it could be useful to visit an Educational Psychologist.

See you in two week's time when I will further discuss ways in which you can support your child in school readiness - in order to get ready to learn to write. 


School readiness: Preparing my child for mathematics

7/4/2012

 
Educational psychology, school readiness, mathematics
Educational psychology, school readiness, mathematics
Educational psychology, school readiness, mathematics
The big M!  MATHEMATICS.  SOS for help?!
Have you ever thought of this: To be able to do maths, your child has to know:
- his body parts
- his left and right sides (important: to really know it, he will also know it when he turns into another direction)
- the basic concepts: before / after; in front of / at the back; on top of / below; next to; between /; more / less; left / right; under; underneath; bigger / smaller; etc.

How to teach these basic concepts to your child:
Always start with three-dimentional games, which means your child's body is involved:
- Play with your child and give him instructions like "Stand next to Sam".  "Sit on the picnic table".  "Stand between the swing and the slide.  "Kick the biggest ball".   "Stand on one leg at the left side of the (play) house." 


After your child has mastered the three dimentional games, move on to more complex activities, which implies that your child has to complete a task, but that only a part of his body will be needed, for example:
- "Put the doll underneath the couch".   "Put the truck left of the smallest car" .  "Bring me the ball that is bigger than the yellow ball, but that is not the biggest ball".  "Lift up your right leg".  "Touch your left elbow with your right knee."  "Put the yellow bean bag on your left foot and try to walk around".  "Put the bean bag on your back / elbow, etcetera.  Can you still move around?" (give your child tasks to perform with a bean bag while some music is playing - children enjoy this activity very much).

Instructions will get more difficult as your child progresses.


Now your child will be ready to move to two-dimentional activities which involves him sitting on a chair and / or carpet.

Two dimentional activities imply the use of card games, board games and peg boards, etcetera:

- Let's start with peg boards:  "Put a green peg left of the orange peg".  "Place a purple peg in the right corner of the peg board".  "Can you build a square with the pegs?"  "Put two black beads inside the square (it is assumed that your child knows the basic shapes, it is circle, square, triangle, rectangle and oval, otherwise you could start to teach him the shapes - see next fortnights newsletter). 

- Board and card games would be: Match the pictures / colours / numbers (eg that looks identically the same); match the pictures that go together eg a mother and a baby, a bee and a hive.  Monopoly.
- Snakes and ladders (ask questions like, which number is before / after number four; which number is between / next to / above / underneath number ten, etc).

- Make your own coloured arrow card.  Arrows show in different directions.  Ask your child to touch the arrow/s that show/s  left / up / right / down directions.

One dimentional activities will be your final destination (it means pencil / pen and paper activities and BE WARE! both parents as well as some pre-primary schools tend to skip three- and two dimentional activities and / or start too early with pen / pencil activities.  

What do do I mean by too early?  
Remember the sequence: three-, two-, one dimentional.  If your child hasn't accomplished the three- and two-dimentional activities, it means that he won't be ready to move to the one-dimentional activities.  In the process he might get confused and loose confidence in his first, very important, math skills.

A nice change to the normal: Take turns with your child to give the instructions.

Pen / pencil and paper activities mean: "Draw a circle at the right side of the tree".  "Mark the third duck in the row".  Tick the last triangle in the row".  "Circle the object between the girl and the car".

Have fun!  Ready, steady, take the strain out of Maths - you can do it!


Look out for my next newsletter in two week's time: "Writing, are you kidding!?"

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    Dr. Marisa van Niekerk
    Educational Psychologist in Private Practice, Midstream Estate

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