Opvoedkundige Sielkundige in die Pretoria, Centurion, Midstream area
Dr. Marisa van Niekerk, 
Opvoedkundige Sielkundige
  • Home
    • Tuis
  • About me
  • Educational Psychology
  • Blog
  • Contact me
    • Map and route description
  • Location
    • Map and route description
  • Newsletter
  • Specific services
    • School readiness assessments
    • Orthodidactic assessment
    • Therapy
    • Mental toughness
    • Picture index
  • Rates and payments
  • Ethical guidelines introduction
    • Ethical guidelines detail
    • Rights of users of psychological services
    • Regte van gebruikers van sielkundige dienste
  • Documents
  • Links
  • Twitter feeds

Does your “No” means “No” to your child, or does your “No” mean “Keep trying!”

4/6/2015

 
Picture
At wits end parents
I see many parents on a weekly base, who’s children don’t want to listen to them. These parents are at wits end and despondent. On the other hand, listen to what a girl between four and five years told me: “You know if Mom and Dad says 'No' to me and my brother, we just start crying and when we cry louder and louder, Mom and Dad always say 'Yes'!” Shocking!? No, it’s a general everyday situation.

So, what is happening here? 
In most households both parents are working and they feel guilty for not spending enough time with their kids. These parents want to be “nice and kind” to their children and don’t want to have conflict when they come home late, prepare dinner, help the kids with homework, etcetera. (Note: this situation also repeats itself daily where one of the parents doesn’t work and stay at home – due to parents who don’t want conflict). The children, on the other hand exactly know when (if Mom and Dad reached their energy limits) and how (cry harder, throw a tantrum, etc.) they should push the borders so that Mom and Dad will give in and say “Yes”, do the “work” themselves or start shouting to get reaction from their kids.

What should you as parent do?
BoysTownPress.org teaches that there are four steps to follow an instruction and to get results from your kids: 

  • stop all activities;
  • look your kid in the eyes (mom / dad / teacher / caretaker, etc.) when you give the instruction;
  • wait for him to acknowledge the instruction by saying, “ok” (even if he doesn’t feel like saying “ok”); 
  • let him complete the task;
  • adult and kid check back after completion.


Explain to your kids what you and society want them to do when you ask something and practice the above mentioned four steps.

A mom’s comment on practicing the four steps on BoysTownPress.org is: “Now when I ask them to do something, they can either do the task, or they hear me repeat what the four steps are and why its important to follow instructions. The mere distraction of me giving this explanation over and over again is enough to make them not argue or dilly dally, its kind of nice”.

Parents, don’t stay at wits end. Make the shift from being controlled by your child to “taking the remote control” (above mentioned four steps) in your own hands and start to practice today how to make your kids listen to you.

Title of article taken from Julia Cook's book "I just don't like the sound of NO!"


Comments are closed.
    View my profile on LinkedIn

    Author

    Dr. Marisa van Niekerk
    Educational Psychologist in Private Practice, Midstream Estate

    Archives

    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    September 2014
    July 2014
    May 2014
    January 2014
    April 2013
    February 2013
    November 2012
    September 2012
    August 2012
    July 2012
    June 2012
    May 2012
    March 2012
    February 2012

    Follow @DrMarisavan

    Categories

    All
    Aggressie
    Aggression
    Change
    Child Support
    Death
    Educational Psychology
    Emosies
    Emotions
    Grief
    Mental Toughness
    Moving
    Perfectionism
    Possibilities
    Relocate
    School Readiness
    Separation Anxiety
    Strengths
    Trauma

    RSS Feed

Powered by Create your own unique website with customizable templates.